We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
