Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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