miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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