We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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