party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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