i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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