I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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