I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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