I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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