I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
