I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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