This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
