You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
