you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
