i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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