he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
