My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
