New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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