Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
