dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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