Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
