Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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