I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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