I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize