All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
