it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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