I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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