I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
