I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
