I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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