i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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