if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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