4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
her vagine was all disorganized.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
