Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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