Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize