seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
