You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize