I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
