Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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