Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
People in love make me want to vomit
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
