Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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