I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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