come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Randomize
