3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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