after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
