It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
