I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
