The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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