That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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