It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize