I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
