i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
