first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I wish they made helmets for livers.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
