I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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