Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
