just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
