my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
