He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
