watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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