Tell her she can't have a vagina
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
