i just had sex bonerless
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
