You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
